The Phoenix Rises from the Ashes

This weekend was a great weekend.

I've got a lot to say about how my attitude has directly affected my ability to enjoy life. Having major life events recently giving my perspective a 'reset' it's been nice to take in the world from the perspective I idealize - even if I don't get to see through it every day.

They say the trouble with idealism is that life isn't ideal, period.

I have become resigned to being worn down and my idealism fading away into fatalism. We're all gonna die man, and everyone you know and everything you care about will be dust. Seriously? Yes it can be a helpful perspective, especially when you're stuck caring about something that has ho tangible value to anyone besides yourself but it's hardly a philosophy to live by.

I don't care if that's true that we always lose it all in the end or not because I don't control that.

What I *do* control is me, and I'm on this ride till the check hits the table and I have to cash out.

I get to decide what, when, and how to feel about everything. Me. I do. I get to and not only do I get to, but the choices I make, things I chose to believe shapes how I perceive my very existence and that shapes how life actually is for me.

There's nothing more profound here than that. Just a blatant; if something in my life isn't going right and I'm unhappy - I'm the only one with the power to change it. No one else. My happiness doesn't rely on something someone else says or does, it rests solely on what I say and do.

If I ever forget that again, I'll gladly take a slap from anyone to snap me out of such delusions that I'm somehow powerless and that the wrongs of others excuses me from being accountable as the driver of my destines.

Love & Peace.

There are a number of people who have been very disloyal to my family over this last year, people playing the role of caring friend to I, or Suze, who are neither caring nor friend. I have kept lips pursed often instead of discussing the problems that these actions and words have caused my family.

My attitude on this subject has changed. For often when I look at another and see their social problem my thoughts are if only you would just say X to Y you could solve Z (in some way).

There's a lot of X's to say to those Y's to solve my Z's. So say we all.

I can distinguish the the difference between caring actions and self-motivated, self-interested, diatribes - how could one not?

Now having contemplated these words and actions; some nearly a year, I would say with great confidence that my mind and approach is far more objective than if I had immediately reacted. Yet the same open barren truth is and was apparent then, now, and all the way in between.

It's an inescapable reality of dealing with other humans that someone, somewhere, is just simply a douche bag and is going to treat you or someone you know poorly and there are two common responses: negative (hate) or positive (love) reactions.

You cannot hold to the guise of care, interest, loyalty without embracing the good of the whole. To be reminded of one's own faults in the midst of their judgmental rage would cause a paradox of unyielding strength.

What dictates most about your character is how *you* respond and how you handle yourself in regards to those people you find unpleasant.

Politeness and etiquette were tools created in an age where the ending of a man would occur from perhaps just the slightest offensive action.

Now we rely on law to dictate morality (which often law is *entirely* devoid of) and lean heavily on it to temper extreme actions and reactions; in both the laws of modern man and the rules of politeness there are natural consequences to all actions.

We live now in a age where offense is so commonplace that it is impossible to live a day and not come across such to be offended so in turn we, I'd say rightfully, as a culture stopped taking such offense at such ridiculous things. If someone flicked you off, would you honestly care? I highly doubt it. It's hardly worth your time to care. Likewise is someone called you an asswipe, again, you'd just ignore (or retaliate with an equally weak response and just move on with your day).

That which is holy to us, close and personal, that is where offense can actually be fostered. Those who know us are few among all who have access to these feelings and the act of disloyalty is perhaps one of the few ways to truly offend one.

It's not possible to consider yourself friend to another without honoring that which is close, personal, and holy to them.

Not of course that any of this matters, since one day everyone you love and all they love will vanish to their own mortality; wake up and get some perspective you can spend this time treating one another well or you can spend it causing each other pain and misery, really I am surprised how much pain some will cause others for lacking true love in their own lives.

Love & Peace.

Went out to Vil last night and watched p_bau *murder* the crowd. It was fantastic to watch him up there and hear his awesome material. Not to say that I didn't *love* many of the other performers insults, but hey Pat's my homeboy and I love his stuff.

I think that perhaps one of my favorites of the night was:

"You're mom's so fat she's bigger than the inside of the TARDIS." - Tony (I believe)

Congrats to Pat for 'winning' the show and *ALL* of the performers, especially the new folks for giving us a great show. Also big props to Brian, he had some great material - would be surprised if we didn't see more of him!

One man can't make *everything* better, many men and women working together for change have a fighting chance.

If nothing else is prescient in the hearts and minds this day, that I hope will be it.

I have had very little faith in my government for my entire life. I have watched trickery, deceit, and corruption rule.

I could not imagine 4 years ago an America so duped that they would re-elect one of the nations worst presidents in history. I ached. It hurt to see such clear stupidity, fear, or greed drive America further down a terrible dark alley.

Four years ago, we, the dissenters knew things would get far, far, worse (if you recall they were already pretty terrible). America slipped out of supporting Bush fairly quickly into his second term and he never recovered his popularity. There's a very good reason. He was/is a terrible president.

It is clear to me, for the first time, that America can react, reasonably, with higher intelligence - for good, for change.

That we did not fail a second time to distance ourselves with "Bushite" policy or policy supporters is at least to me notable.

Lest us not forget that McCain was beaten by Bush for the nomination 8 years ago and then went on to vote 90+% of the time with Bush. I find it telling that the best the Republican party could find in 8 years was someone they had said was not good enough before.

America was able to see the things that our new president elect brings to the table and able to see the correlation between Bush & McCain. That signifies higher intelligence as a culture. It gives me hope and serenity for our future one where we together do indeed prosper.

Love and Peace.

Proof:



Wait, nevermind. So cute I can hardly stand it - his cute never sleeps.

Love & Peace

Kieran Patrick William Russo

Born 08/20/08 at 00:00 (midnight)

7 lbs 8.5 ounces!

20 inches!










Suze is in recovery and I'm off to go hunt her down and give her a giant kiss. See you ladies and gents soon

Love & Peace

We're going in for a C-section in about 15 minutes.

Pitocin from 7:30 am till 3pm without progress.

5:15 epidural was installed.

6:30 3 centimeters dilated.

9:00 4 centimeters.

10:30 4.5 centimeters, heart rate drop on the weee babe for longer than comfortable.

10:45 recommendations for C-section from doctor.

11:30 we're prepped and going....

The just walked in:
See you on the other side!

Love & Peace!

We're at the hospital, checked in and waiting for the pitosin drip IV.

Things of note:

Suze is an amazing strong woman whom I'm very proud of.

Small contractions have already started even without the IV.

He's in "stage 1 position" which means he's dropped down onto the cervix and is applying the type of pressure that helps labor along.

his heart rate is a good 130 Suze's is a very calm mid 60's.

We had a 'network chiropractic' adjustment done for Suze over the weekend. Network 'chiropractory'(is that a word? probably not) is very interesting, Dr. Sharon, who we saw adjusted Suze's Pelvis & Uterus and the muscle systems etc to be in the correct line for birth. She apparently specializes in helping pregnant women get ready for birth. Another interesting fact for her adjustments is that in 16 years not a single one of the women she's adjusted have ended in c-section. Pretty good track record. Also the average labor from start of actual labor to end has been 4 hours or less. Again, hoping that's how it goes!!

All is good and we'll keep you posted as we can. Hospital + internets = :)

Love & Peace

In lieu of a post with any real substance matter I bring to you two new words that I think should be used more often.

1. Restupid - adjective

Re•stu•pid: |ri'st(y)oōpid|

Lacking intelligence or common sense even when compared to "normal" stupidity.
Used to denote a special effort on one's part to fail in using ones cognitive abilities on purpose.

2. NOMinate - verb

NOM•i•nate: |'näm - ə,nāt|

Propose or formally enter as a candidate for devouring....
Appoint to the job or position of being NOMed

A few minutes ago my 8 year old says to me:

"My mom won't let me wear nice clothes to your house"

I say:

"What does she say when you tell her how you feel?"

She says:

"She says 'Blah blah blah blah' why I can't wear them. She doesn't let me wear what I want to wear like you do. If I'm wearing nice clothes she makes me change before I come over."


- - - - - - - - - - - - -

Uhh.... What am I supposed to do I do with that? I told her, "Tell your mom how you feel".

It's obvious she's tried and she feels like her mom isn't listening hence the "blah blah blah blah" quote (that's verbatim) she feels like the reason her mom has given her isn't valid enough to remember as anything other than filler. Probably because it is just filler, or because she's upset that she's forced to change clothes because they are nice. What a crappy thing to have to feel. I can't wear nice clothes becuase my mom won't let me.

I have expressed this issue to her mother for six months but eventually gave up trying to communicate it.

I let Aurora wear whatever she wants to so long as it is weather appropriate. She's old enough to pick out her clothes and is far more fashion sensitive than I will ever be.

I'd love to say this was an isolated thing but it's the same way about toys, books, movies, whatever you name it.

Aurora has an iPod she wants to bring over on the weekends (that Aurora bought with her own money) but is not allowed to. Her mom treats Aurora's stuff as if it isn't Aurora's in any way.

How unfortunate.

Yay!

Emotional truth is externally subjective.

Feelings are an emotional perspective of an absolute truth. I am perplexed by the fact that it is seemingly apparently impossible to understand what your belief represents in an objective reality while you are concurrently ‘believing it’.

Cause and effect should dictate that you will learn that a certain type of behavior or belief will yield an absolute reaction. (Granted that reaction varies each time, yet it does yield a tangible, factual, and real reaction)

If a certain type of behavior consistently yields a negative reaction a rational being would adapt their behavior and seek a different response, one that is not negative.

Unless, of course, the desired reaction *is* a negative one.

Motivation becomes the largest factor at determining if you can look past your subjective emotional truth to a greater more tangible objective answer, or determine if that is even your goal.

The catch of course is that whatever more global perspective you take it is still subjective to you. You can constantly approach an objective truth and doing so is worthy and progressive. Actually getting there, not so much likely to happen. Perfection is unattainable; pursuit of perfection is – because perfection is relative to the eye of the beholder unless we have a universal standard for perfection.

Science consistently yields that whatever is referred to as fact is simply the best we know up to this point.

Reality, however outside of how we may feel, is perfectly objective.

The Law of Non-Contradiction (Aristotle): Opposite truth claims cannot both be true.

For example if James believes the sky is blue and Jim believes it is not they can’t both be right.

They can be both right about one thing; that they both believe their belief. That is universal. It is an absolute truth that Jim believes the sky isn’t blue – even to James.

With Subjective truth only, no one could ever be wrong since there is no standard for right and wrong. As long as something is true to the holder of truth, it is true even if it is wrong for someone else.

This is ultimately why feelings can be, and are, frequently wrong in relation to reality – The law of Non-contradiction applies.

In my opinion Emotions help you feel around for the truth, especially to understand what you or someone else believes. Logic & rationality help you verify the accuracy of what you feel is true. We are lucky to posses the ability to both feel and reason.

Had the Early Neutral evaluation today.

Result:

Their recommendation is "No recommendation".

This leaves us moving forward to a full scale custody evaluation.

I was informed that the process of the ENE was to sit and discuss the situation, they would make recommendations and if we weren't able to come to an agreement based on their recommendations than a full scale evaluation would be ordered. Since there was no recommendation there was no negotiation, since there was no negotiation there was no meaningful progress on solving the issue. Instead, because Allison wants full physical custody opposed to my wish of joint physical custody my children will have to to undergo psychiatric evaluation, as will we. The evaluators and my lawyer (note, not hers) represent the process to be extremely intrusive and disruptive. It will take several months and cost about $2,000 each. It will add burden and stress to their lives that could otherwise be avoided.

I know I am a caring & loving parent to my children. I'm not contesting her rights to be with the kids but she is contesting mine. I feel as if she is committing a great evil against our children. She knows that the single thing I want the least is to have social services poke their noses in my & my children's life. How many times do you hear, "I'm so glad the government poked their noses into my life, they fixed everything and it was totally fair!"

If you do the math about what's happening it's not very hard to figure out. Common sense says 9 out of 10 people will tell you that sharing custody is better for the children than not; especially when both parents want to be involved and have been involved. That doesn't matter to her. *The end.*

Lastly it's come to my attention that some of you may prefer to be out of the loop regarding things like the developments in my divorce and the children's custody. If that is the case please feel free to let me know, I'll happily arrange it so that you never have to see/hear these issues. All it takes is letting me know - no hard feelings.

In other news I promise the next post will be happy and wonderful with gay rainbows, no really there are all sorts of wonderful things happening in every other part of our lives and I can't wait to talk about those developments :) I've been forced into feeling like I must live secretly. Nope, I always hated the thought of it and living this way for the last 6 months has further reinforced that sentiment. I'm done with that. There isn't anything she can do to me now, this was *the* thing I was fighting against. She's played her final card and there's literally nothing else she can do to me. At the end of the day I've got a beautiful family & amazing partner. I will be a part of my children's life like I always have been.

It's kinda amazingly freeing actually.

I had a really packed day, one of those great productive ones where you are tired as hell but you feel good because you did so much.

It wasn't even anything extraordinary, I just stayed focused all day on progressive activities.

Today included but was not limited to: Rowr, school, writing, future planning, business, the shop, playing magic, goodies, partnerships, sloppy roes (I put rice, in my sloppy joes. Num.), dried fruit (double Num!), plans, and lovens.

Shout out to angelady to have a great vacation, to msgillian Happy birthday!, and to croonerboy yay for new friends!

Love & Peace.

You have been consistently very late to dropping off the girls every weekend that you do. Usually by more than an hour.

I need you to see the importance of timeliness and how it affects the girls and myself. If you are always late each week you drop them off it says to the girls clearly that it isn't important to be to dads on time.

I don't know if you are doing it on purpose but you've done it all but one weekend, ever. That being the case, I want to bring to your attention that it is negligent to the girls to be dropping them off late (very late) every week.

We have plans, today I had to change my plans because of your timing and while that may seem inconsequential to you - you had a negative impact on their day by not caring about how it may affect them.

( More thoughts... )

If you take anything from this I would hope it would be the realization that things that have been done cannot be undone - ever - but every day forward is an opportunity to make the right decision. All you're doing is focusing on the past; it's blinding you from the future.

Happy holidays from our family to yours!

Love and Peace to all.

Perception is 9/10ths of the reality.

I haven't talked about this for a while.....


Allison is attempting to block my fair and equal access to my children *Again*.

We've had them Every Monday/Tue/Wed morning and every other weekend. For all of November. (1/2 the month)

We had them for 2 days on 2 days off in October. (1/2 the month)

We had them 1/2 the week every week in September (except when she unfairly denied me access on two Sundays)

Allison stole 4 weeks from the girls and I in July/Aug.

That's time we'll never get back.

She is attempting to deviate the schedule, excessively, without regard for how it affects the children so that I simply *Only* have them every other weekend. 4 days a month? Get real.

This is insane and brutally abusive to my girls.

She is causing them harm by doing this, harm to her own kids for her selfish desires.

It is clearly time to involve social services and the judicial system to _ORDER_ her to follow the law.

Apparently, it has skipped her mind that the Judge told her "Neither of you have the right to deny equal parenting time to the other." Yet again.

*Cries*

There is nothing in this world like watching your children be hurt by someone who is supposed to love them.

Things that seem like a great idea to do later that I will probably actually never do:

Parody 'Dick in a box' as

Schrödinger's 'Cat in a box'


See I'm wise enough to know when a principle needs explainin' (yeah)
And I got just the one, somethin' to teach you so you're second to none
To all the geeks out there dropping science to impress
It's easy to do just follow these steps

1: Put your giger counter connected to a can of lethal can of gas in the box (Ooo Ooo Ooo, Gas baby)
2: Put a cat in a box (Meow)
3: Do not open the box.

Is the cat dead or Alive? Huhuhh.

It's Schrödinger's 'Cat in a box'

Dear establishment administrators of the world,

When you attempt to content filter your network so that people can't access some websites you ought to make sure that it can't be circumvented in 15 seconds by a Goolge search.

Especially if you're a business, becuase if you put the filter there and expect it to keep your employees from accessing certain content then all you're really saying is we think our employees are so stupid they can't use a web browser and google.

I think anyone that tries to attempt any form of censorship against any group is *probably* a terrible person.

I do find a distinction between censorship and giving children guidance. Like giving them access to tools that can hurt them. In my opinion if a child is smart enough to want to go look up donkey porn than there's nothing you're really going to be able to do to stop them; making it harder and teaching them that you're willing to withhold parts of the world from them only makes them more determined to access that which is not freely available. Not of course that I think children should be looking at donkey porn, but that's exactly the point - address the actual problem of them wanting to look at donkey porn and not the problem of them being able to. So very western to treat the symptoms and not the disease.

Guidance is far different than censorship and the two should not be confused and one should be careful to not let their guidance translate into censorship.

Monitoring adults or children isn't even all that more effective since it is circumventable in the same means as well - you can create your own circumvention webpage in some personal web space. The Ideal behind censorship is control. That's why censorship will always ultimately fail, people innately reject being controlled.

Which brings to mind, there common saying of "There is no such thing as 'Security' only the perception of security.'

If you try to keep one out, they'll only work even harder to get in *and* sometimes they'll work harder to get in than you did to keep them out.

Censorship is a tool of the wicked to control those of weaker minds.

The greater the divide between censor and censored in intelligence the easier the control is. Such control usually translates as a direct strategy to keep that intellectual gap established or to directly control the actions of the censored without their knowledge.

I've got 4 complimentary Valleyfair tickets from the 2007 Season, I've got 4 of them, I can't possibly use them and they expire tomorrow on Halloween. If you or someone you know would like them please let me know A.S.A.P. but only if you're super sure you'll use them! The park is open from 6-11 PM tomorrow.

Way I figure it is I'd rather see someone use them instead of see them expire and throw them away. Sad Panda.


Comment below or feel free to call me 612.600.7722

Google is down and has been for 10 minutes.

Now yes, I know they are 'just a website' and they can go down, but to me they are such an irremovable part of my internet experience it's all of the sudden like all of the internet being a little fuzzy and out of tune.

It's like the best of the best taking a dive, it reminds you that everyone is mortal.

Maybe it's a terrorist attack, har har.

Maybe the Chinese just committed a coup d'etat on the internet and we just lost.

Maybe their DNS has been hacked.

Maybe every single data center and redundancy they have has just gone off line.

Maybe it's world war III and California was just nuked.

Maybe Google's mom put it in the corner for time out.

Maybe Google's busy have a private moment indexing porn.

Maybe Google had to go to target for Kleenex.

Maybe it's Armageddon and we need to be saved by Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck (God damnit it I hate Ben Affleck, that smarmy bastard.)

In Soviet Russia, Google search you!


Oh, wait, nevermind, Google's back up.

#EDIT#

Huh, Crap, Google's down again.

Maybe Google's ran out of money and can't buy any more vowels.

Maybe Microsoft bought 51% of Google, took over and turned them off. (in your wet dreams Bill)

Maybe Google ran out of batteries.

Maybe I should just get over it and use Yahoo for a few hours.

Lame.

YA-HOOOOOOOO!

No, that's beneath me.

Maybe Google will raise from the dead infected with a zombie internet plague.

Maybe Google was really lost Alien technology and they finally came back for it.

Maybe Goolge's in UR mind creatin' yer thoughs. (Maybe none of this is real)

Maybe Google lost kitten wars.

Maybe Google voted for Chewbacca and Hellboy and Indy & Ash came back from the dead to exact their revenge on the internet public.

Don't blame me I voted for Kodos.

I wonder how much money Google loses for being offline for 25 minutes. I'd guess it's more money than most of us will make in our lives.

Maybe Google quit.

Maybe someone needs to change Google's litter box.

Maybe Google is depressed.

Maybe HAL killed Google. (I'm sorry Google, I can't do that)

Maybe Google took the Blue pill and will wake up in it's bed and believe anything it wants.

Maybe Google lost the car keys and had to call in sick.

Maybe Google reached enlightenment.

Maybe Google has explosive Diarrhea.

Maybe Google got high.

Maybe Google tried to calculate Pi (All of it)

Google is back up, I am done writing this entry.

#EDIT#

Google's down again.

I give up. I'll be over here in the corner with some other strange search engine.

Here's a quick reminder for the birthday stuffage for myself and marielouise00 tonight:

Khan's Mongolian Barbecue
500 E 78th St
Richfield, MN 55423
Phone: (612) 861-7991
Click here for a map

Arrive anytime after 6~6:30.

After dinner hanging atthunder_monkey's place will be had. Here is a map there if you need it.

Yay birthdays!

I'm making plans for my birthday this year and it turns out it also happens to be marielouise00's on the same day.

So we're planning an evening out for friends this Wednesday (the 12th) at:

Khan's Mongolian Barbecue
500 E 78th St
Richfield, MN 55423
Phone: (612) 861-7991
Click here for a map

The plan is to arrive anytime after 6~6:30.

For those who want to continue hanging out or can't make it for dinner and would still like to join us we're going to head over tothunder_monkey's place afterwards to hang out. Here is a map there if you need it.

If you are free and think you would enjoy it please come out with us!

( More images )

So cute!